I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
