i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
