the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
