I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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