I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
