he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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