i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
