Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
