question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
