Plan B is the new Plan A
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
