i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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