This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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