Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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