Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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