Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
