Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm at about main and main street
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
