pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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