I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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