I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
