That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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