Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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