what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
