Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
