I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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