on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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