I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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