I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
