Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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