you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
