Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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