I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
