Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
