I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
