Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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