I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
