my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
