I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
