if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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