I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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