just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
