yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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