After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
