Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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