Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
