i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
