i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
