dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You dont lie about slip and slides
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
