i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
