I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
