There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
