dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
