She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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