i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
