Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
